10 Rules.

10 Rules for Living a Full Life

1. Be adventurous; move outside your comfort zone
2. Be kind to yourself and respect yourself
3. Don’t fear mistakes and failure as they’re part of a rich life
4. Smile and laugh often; have a positive outlook
5. Play to your strengths, and use your gifts and talents
6. Be a friend to others; be compassionate and kind
7. Ask for help when you need it; a true friend will always care
8. Don’t let people distract you from your visions, dreams and goals
9. Don’t bear grudges; don’t be bitter; forgive others – and move on
10. Always strive to be better, and to stretch and grow through life.

I always read these things and think; yes yes yes that's so true.

Just follow these rules and you'll be happy. And I feel like that is kind of true.

You cannot always be happy and kind to yourself. That is not human. 

I've never met someone in my life who has never hold grudge to theirself. 

Today was a good day, I had to submit two assignments for a grade today. Which obviously I let them to do untill the end. But I am quite happy with how everything turned out. Yes it could have been better if I had started earlier. But I am always someone who starts really early but always manages to finish it last minute. 

I am finally in my regime again, working out a lot every week. Buying and eating good food. Because these things are back on track again I feel a lot better. I just wish that I could sleep better at night. But I am going to do so much every day that I'll make myself tired. 

+ Back to working out and eating quite healthy again, finished my school work on time.

- Still sleeping badly; maybe too many unspoken thoughts?

Quote of the day:

Three simple rules.

Gareth Emery feat. Christina Novelli - Concrete Angel

I've already kind of 'failed' this project, with not posting this weekend.
Been spending time with my grandfather and my aunt. My grandmother recently died. She was someone I could really trust and I actually felt good talking to; and she supported me as well. It is really difficult for me to see my grandfather alone, I mean he is doing better than we'd expected. But if you have been married for almost 60  years, and now the love of your life is gone. It must be tough. I just want to be there for him, and I love spending time with him and listening to his stories. 

On saturday I spend the evening with my aunt, whom I really look up to. She is a strong woman with a lot of knowledge. We were talking about everything that happened recently and she told me that she could see that there was something 'wrong' with me; not in a bad way though. Because when I was younger I did not really experience anyone loving me (not in a relationship way) she could see that it effected me in the way I behaved in some situations. And I've heard this from other people as well, it makes me scared; they always tell me that I'm going to have mental problems when I'm older because of all the things I went through in my 'childhood'. 
I mean I know I'm not the most loveable person in the planet and I do not like to show my affection, but I'm guessing that with the right people around me it will be fine. 


"Three simple rules in life. 1. If you do not go after what you want, you’ll never have it. 2. If you do not ask, the answer will always be no. 3. If you do not step forward, you will always be in the same place."

+ Spend time with the people who I like the most, who inspire me and motivate me. 
- Apperently I am emotionally unloveable. 

It's all okay!

It's all ok tattoo, photo from Tumblr.

I slept for a really long time today, and yet I'm still tired. I think this is not only a mental but also a physical thing. So I might have to go and see the dokter to get myself checked out and run some blood tests.
Other than that I felt quite good today, did some schoolwork. Visited my grandfather, brother and aunt. I'm staying in my home town for the weekend. This so I don't get distracted and do nothing; Monday I have my deadlines for two of my school projects, which I'm still not even halfway with. 

Should be working on it right now, but instead I'm doing this.. ;)
My subject is about stress and the way dancing can relieve you from stress. 
It is actually a fun subject but reading scientific articles is just so much effort if you are easily distracted.. 
Tomorrow I'm going for a walk in the forest to clear my mind again and try and finish one of my essays.

+ Went to see my family, which was nice. 
- Feeling extremely tired the past few days. 

Quote of the day:
"You know who’s gonna give you everything? Yourself."

Not ready yet.

I actually had a good day yesterday, untill I was at home all by myself. 
But to be honest I felt less 'sorry' for myself than other days. I was drained from spending the day with my friend, which was good to see her again. 
I've decided that I'm going to buy a bunny, I've always been good with animals and they fill up a gap in me. Cause when you come home there is someone there that needs you and needs you to take care of them. I like that idea. 

+ Saw my friend again, which was good. Walked a lot outside!
- Did not do sports yesterday, and ate quite unhealthy. 


Quote of the day:

" The years between eighteen and twenty-eight are the hardest, psychologically. It’s then you realize this is make or break, you no longer have the excuse of youth, and it is time to become an adult – but you are not ready."

Watching life go by.

This song kind of fits with my mood today. 

After the post from yesterday I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about why I felt this way; my life wasn’t bad? Sure I’ve experienced some things that most people my age haven’t. But everyone has their own demons. I’ve overcome so much but along the way I’ve created a wall so high that I shut out a lot of things. I woke up this morning and fell asleep again, I never have this. When I woke up again I decided to go for a run to clear my mind. When I came back I felt drained. To be honest I didn’t really do anything the whole day, except going for that run.

At one point I felt lonely, why did I let it come to this? I keep shutting people out when they get too close. My thoughts were all over the place today. I could’ve done so much today but yet again, like the past few weeks I’ve spend it doing barely nothing. Nothing with a meaning. I felt sorry for myself again. I need to get out of this. But how…

The running did help me, getting out of my room and ‘into the world’. It makes it sound like I never leave my room, I do. But I like my own little space. I finally have a place that I can call ‘home’. But I miss the people who need to be in it. I don’t see my friends often because they live in a different city and have their own busy life. I don’t have a job, which I’ve been looking for but I don’t want to do something that makes me feel down even more.  

Tomorrow I’m going to see a friend of mine who I haven’t seen in a few months so that should be good. I also need to actively go looking for a job again. For now I’m going to call it an early night, make myself wake up early tomorrow, go do some yoga and live.

+ went for a run, thought about what I want to ‘change’ in my life

- didn’t really do anything else, even though I had enough to do.

Quote of the day:

“Everyone needs a rainy day now and then. Even too much sun can leave us burned.”

A fresh start, for real now.

The amount of times I've told myself this is ridiculous;

“ This is the last day you will feel so miserable and eat sh*t, from tomorrow you will start exercising your body and mind and start feeling good”.

And yet here I am again, I’ve been in my room almost all day, skipped an actual dinner and ate junk food instead. And how do I feel? SH*T like actual SH*T. I feel lonely, tired, useless and I can do so much more with my life!

Well this is really the last time I’m saying this to myself. Not from tomorrow but from now on I will do my best at making myself and my body happy. I am going to try and do this by keeping an online journal where I am going to discuss my day and every month I’m going to read the first post and see how much my feelings have changed, my body and me as a person. I’m going to be my own coach, my online mentor. And there will be no more “I’m going to start tomorrow”. No it starts NOW!