Watching life go by.

This song kind of fits with my mood today. 

After the post from yesterday I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about why I felt this way; my life wasn’t bad? Sure I’ve experienced some things that most people my age haven’t. But everyone has their own demons. I’ve overcome so much but along the way I’ve created a wall so high that I shut out a lot of things. I woke up this morning and fell asleep again, I never have this. When I woke up again I decided to go for a run to clear my mind. When I came back I felt drained. To be honest I didn’t really do anything the whole day, except going for that run.

At one point I felt lonely, why did I let it come to this? I keep shutting people out when they get too close. My thoughts were all over the place today. I could’ve done so much today but yet again, like the past few weeks I’ve spend it doing barely nothing. Nothing with a meaning. I felt sorry for myself again. I need to get out of this. But how…

The running did help me, getting out of my room and ‘into the world’. It makes it sound like I never leave my room, I do. But I like my own little space. I finally have a place that I can call ‘home’. But I miss the people who need to be in it. I don’t see my friends often because they live in a different city and have their own busy life. I don’t have a job, which I’ve been looking for but I don’t want to do something that makes me feel down even more.  

Tomorrow I’m going to see a friend of mine who I haven’t seen in a few months so that should be good. I also need to actively go looking for a job again. For now I’m going to call it an early night, make myself wake up early tomorrow, go do some yoga and live.

+ went for a run, thought about what I want to ‘change’ in my life

- didn’t really do anything else, even though I had enough to do.

Quote of the day:

“Everyone needs a rainy day now and then. Even too much sun can leave us burned.”